WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD

DR. PHIL:

The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he

must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it

goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need

to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his

"CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.

OPRAH:

Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he

wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken

learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm

going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the

road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W BUSH:

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to

know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is

either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DONALD RUMSFELD:

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image

of the chicken crossing the road.

ANDERSON COOPER/CNN:

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been

allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!

Itwas the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's

intentions. I am for it now, and will remain against it.

JUDGE JUDY:

That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in

his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a

standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price

dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider

information.

DR SEUSS:

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the

chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:

To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:

Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth in

front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's

why they call it the "other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.

And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott

all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media

whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side" That

chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple

as that!

GRANDPA:

In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody

told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the

chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it

experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its

life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON:

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.

ARISTOTLE:

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES:

I have just released eChicken2005, which will not only cross roads,

but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your

check book.Internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken. The Platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^( C \..... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the

chicken?

BILL CLINTON:

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of

chicken?

AL GORE:

I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:

Did I miss one?